Ooni of Ife to be buried on Friday

Late Ooni of Ife, Oba Sijuwade Okunade

Adetokunbo Sijuwade, the son of the late Ooni of Ife, Oba Okunade Sijuwade, on Wednesday officially announced the death of the monarch, saying he would be buried on Friday.

Addressing newsmen at the Government Office in Osogbo, the younger Sijuwade said that the body of the late monarch would be flown in from London on Thursday and buried on Friday at 10 a.m.

Also speaking, Gov. Rauf Aregbesola said the “ late Ooni represented the Yoruba nation and has done a lot in uplifting the traditional institution in the state.”

Aregbesola, who read the last text message he received from the Ooni at the briefing, said the late monarch informed him of his frail health, adding that he was travelling to London for treatment.

He described the death of the Ooni as a great loss to the state and the Yoruba race, stressing, however, that a king could not die in Yorubaland.

Oba Solomon Omisakin, the Obalufe of Iromo and Vice Chairman of the Ife Traditional Council as well as High Chief Joseph Ijaodola, the Lowa of Ile-Ife, both corroborated what Sijuwade said.

They expressed gratitude to the people of Osun and prayed that God would provide another king who would excel as the late Ooni did.

The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reports that the press briefing was also attended by the Ooni’s daughter, Mrs Aderounmu Fadeyi, and members of Ife Traditional Council (NAN)

Nigeria: Woman dies fighting over boyfriend in Bauchi

Police in Bauchi State have arrested a 30-year-old man, identified as Nasiru Usman Banki, and a lady over the death of his girlfriend in Bauchi.

Police Public Relations Officer, DSP Haruna Mohammed, who confirmed the incident to newsmen in Bauchi, said the deceased, known as Iklima Alhassan, aged 28, and an indigene of Bukuru village in Plateau State, visited her boyfriend, Nasiru, who resides at Rafin Makaranta area, behind Awala Hotel in Bauchi.

He said trouble started when the deceased met another lady, Fatima Baba Isa, 22, of Makera ward in her boyfriend’s apartment, a situation that allegedly resulted in a fight between the two women.

Mohammed said: “On August 9, at about 12:50a.m., an uncon-scious young lady was found along Maiduguri by-pass, near Awalah Roundabout, Bauchi.

“The police patrol team attached to Tafawa Balewa Housing Estate Division visited the scene and rushed the victim to ATBU Teaching Hospital, Bauchi, were she was certified dead on arrival by a medical doctor and the corpse was deposited in the mortuary for post-mortem examination.”

The police spokesman said the deceased’s boyfriend and the other lady were arrested and were assisting the Police with useful information that could help ascertain the cause of her death.

Nigeria Politics! Apart from God, Obasanjo is the Landlord of Nigeria - PDP Women Leader

Margaret Orebiyi, a chieftain of the Peoples Democratic Party, PDP in Kogi state has described former President Olusegun Obasanjo as the landlord of the Nigerian nation.

 

Obasanjo

According to BUSINESS DAY, Orebiyi made the comment when Idris Wada, Kogi state governor led a delegation of PDP Kogi stakeholders to pay Obasanjo a courtesy visit in Abeokuta.

She said, ''Apart from God, Obasanjo is the landlord of this country. Some of us who were opportune to have worked with you closely understand your humility, your dedication and your commitment for Nigeria to remain one. We pray that God will continue to preserve you for us till you see the Nigeria of your dream''.

Nigeria: Power: FG to spend N15bn to attain 8,000mw by 2016

Power Station

The Deputy Managing Director, Transmission Company of Nigeria, TCN, Dr. Atiku Abubakar, on Tuesday disclosed that Nigeria needs N15 billion to generate 8,000 megawatts of electricity by 2016.

Abubakar disclosed this while inspecting some on-going electricity projects at the sidelines of a training programme for auditors in Lagos.

He attributed the recent boost in electricity generation across the nation to improved gas supply to generating stations.

According to him, power generation has been able to reach the highest peak in July of about 4,652 megawatts, adding that transmission capacity remains a little above the power generated so far.

He noted that TCN has the capacity to transmit about 5,300 megawatts of electricity.

“As generation is improving, we are expected to expand transmission capacity to be able to evacuate all that is being generated in the stations for distribution.

“I can assure that we have our plans, targeting projects that are very critical which have been mapped out so that within the shortest possible time, will be able to hit 8,000 megawatts transmission capacity by end of 2016,” he said.

Abubakar further affirmed that over 30 investors interested in investing in the transmission segment had been shortlisted.

He said the names of the shortlisted investors would not be made public now stressing that: “we are trying to see that they are capable both technically and financially, because it is expected that they will fund the project”.

“Presently, we are in the process of coming up with the framework that will enable them to recover their investment in time.

“Since Federal Government will not give them sovereign guarantee, we are coming up with modalities of repayment from our billing charges and internally generated revenue over a period of time,” Abubakar said.

(DAILY POST)

Nigeria: Power generation hits 4,600MW

President Buhari, Amb. Igali and Vice President Yemi Osinbajo presented a locally made electricity meter during a briefing session by the Ministry of Power on its activities at the State House, Abuja. Wednesday.


The Federal Government on Wednesday disclosed that the country power generation has increased to 4,600 Megawatts from about 3,000 Megawatts.

The Permanent Secretary in the Ministry of Power, Godknows Igali, briefed State House correspondents after presenting activities of his ministry to President Muhammadu Buhari at the Presidential Villa, Abuja.

He said: “We are doing over 4,600MW of power on the grid and we can do better. But then this is a big improvement from about 3,000MW we had before.

“Other times when we attain 4,000, because of pipeline disruptions we go down to about 2000MW. We’ve consistently in the past two months been having over 4,500MW and we are getting close to 4,700MW.”

But he insisted that distribution of power remains a great challenge in the country.

Igali added: “Distribution remains a challenge because that’s where customers feel it most. A lot of the Distribution companies, we’re working with them very closely, tracking them, to make sure that what is needed at the distribution level is done.

“They must improve on their network, they must improve on the availability of transformers and the supply of meters because Nigerians are tired of estimated billing.

“So we’ve been working closely with them, tracking them, and sometimes even fining them.

“These are things that will be discussed. The Senate discussed it, NERC chairman met me this morning asking on what measures we can take in order to address the concerns raised by Nigerians. These are genuine concerns because if you don’t have light and then you see the bills all the time, it’s not a very good thing.

“So we’ve discussed with chairman of NERC and these matters are being addressed and very soon NERC will be reacting to what the Senate has said.”

The Nation 

Nigeria: Impatience with Buhari Grows within APC

President Muhammadu Buhari

* Odigie-Oyegun: Party members will smile soon


In spite of several official statements in the last few weeks by the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC) that Nigerians would not regret voting President Muhammadu Buhari in the last general election, THISDAY has gathered that some party leaders are actually running out of patience with the president.

A member of the National Working Committee (NWC) of the APC told THISDAY that even though Buhari’s policy statements and actions in the last 70 days may look appealing to some Nigerians and a segment of the international community, those who invested their huge financial resources and energy in the campaign that gave Buhari victory are not happy with him.

“Yes, President Buhari and our party want to fight corruption; we want to do things differently from the previous government led by the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) but we must not forget that many well-meaning Nigerians and their friends put their money down for our elections. They want to be appreciated by one way or the other,’’ a member of NWC from the South-west who pleaded anonymity told THISDAY in Abuja.

He added that: “The president may have good intentions for our country going by his current efforts to reposition our nation, but good politics goes beyond fighting corruption. There are other things he can start doing that will benefit our party members and Nigerians as a whole, along with fighting corruption.”

The APC leader stated that the “growing impatience” against the APC-led federal government, in spite of Buhari’s efforts to right the wrongs of the past, is a “strong indication” that Nigerians want to see economic programmes that will directly better their lives along with the fight against corruption.

The APC leader said: “Look, two governorship elections are coming up in Bayelsa and Kogi States, and with APC controlling the centre, we thought the elections would be a walk-over for us. But that is not the case, as many of our leaders and their followers are not happy with us.

“As the president continues to preach the gospel against corruption, there is mounting fear that those who invested hugely in our last general election might not get anything. For many of us, this is not good politics at all.’’

However, the National Chairman of the APC, Chief John Odigie-Oyegun, said it was legitimate and common for people to expect appointments and get rewarded with board positions after elections, but denied any resentment or growing impatience within the party leadership.

“There is nothing like resentment within the party leadership; there is nothing like that at all. Yes, people want appointments and other things. And those appointments will come in the next one month or so. Those complaining are doing so for their selfish interests,” Oyegun added.

He said the party and Buhari are unfolding ongoing policies and programmes that would benefit the nation in the long run.

THISDAY NEWS

Nigeria: APC “change” mantra not political slogan – Buhari

President Buhari

By Levinus Nwabughiogu

ABUJA – President Mohammadu Buhari on Wednesday in Abuja said that his government has resolved to provide the necessary infrastructures that would create employments for the teeming youth in the country.

According to him, unemployment was one of the major challenges facing Nigeria and the African continent as many graduates were yet to get jobs.

The president who recalled 2011 African Leaders summit in Malabo, Equatorial Genuea also said that it was the responsibility of the government to create jobs, saying that the “change” principle of the the ruling All Progressives Congress, APC, was not a political slogan but commitment to the dawn of a new era.

Speaking at an event organized by the Ministry of Youth Development to mark 2015 World Youth Day with the theme “Civic Engagement”, president Buhari however appealed to the youth to be patient with his government.

He remarked that Africa has the highest population of youth amongst the continents of the world, saying it was neither good nor bad.

“Distinguished Ladies and Gentlemen, you may wish to note that Africa is the most ‘youthful’ continent in the world. According to the figures I have been presented with, at least 20 percent of the continent’s population of 1.2 billion is between the age bracket of 15 – 24 years, with about 42% below 15 years of age. As the rest of the world gets older, Africa is getting younger. This is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. It all depends on what we make of it.

“Therefore, one of the greatest challenges facing governments and policy makers in Africa today is how to provide opportunities and meet the needs of young people, the vast majority of whom need to be empowered to enable them to lead decent lives and contribute their quota to the socio economic and political development of their countries.

“Correctly harnessed, this tremendous labour force could propel us to take a quantum leap in developing our infrastructure so that Nigeria can join the 21st Century.

“Some of you may recall that African leaders, at the Malabo 2011Summit, committed themselves to providing employment, whether directly or indirectly, for at least 3% of its unemployed young people every year. For us, the meeting in Malabo 2011, marked another turning point in the continent’s quest for development. The summit adopted that all member States should advance the youth agenda and adopt policies and mechanisms towards the creation of safe, decent and competitive employment opportunities.

Vanguard News

TRIBUTE: The Oba Okunade Sijuwade I knew

By Chief Olusegun Obasanjo

Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, Fmr Nigeria President

I do appreciate the immense pain that the unfortunate death of the Late Oba Okunade Sijuwade has caused his Oloris, children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and the entire people of the Kingdom of Ife in particular and Osun State in general, who must be grieving at the demise of the Oba. Oba Sijuwade was, undoubtedly, a very eminent citizen and his death will be felt not only by his people but indeed, the entire nation. We can, nevertheless, be consoled from knowing that Oba Sijuwade has gone to rest in the bosom of his Maker and left behind him a good name and worthy legacy. Indeed, ‘Erin wo’.

We have been inspired, over the years, by Oba Sijuwade’s most impressive career as a tested manager of men and resources, a proprietor of repute, and an industrialist of distinction. From the Tribune Group where he had his early experience in the private sector through the Leventis family and therefrom into private entrepreneurship, he truly distinguished himself as a businessman of note.

His attainments, over the years, surely culminated in his unanimous nomination and coronation as the Ooni Olubuse II of Ile-Ife since November 1980. In this capacity, he functioned as Chancellor of the University of Uyo in Akwa Ibom State in 1988. It is a measure of his selfless and qualitative service to our dear country that he was honoured with the revered national award of the Commander of the Federal Republic, CFR, by former President Alhaji Shehu Shagari in 1983.

The late Oba Sijuwade was a patriotic and highly respected traditional ruler who had immeasurable love for his people and great faith in a united Nigeria. I remember his firmness in support of Government at all levels when I was President of Nigeria. His staunch support was appreciated and would always be remembered for it. He, accordingly, stood out as a voice of honesty and forthrightness in national affairs. He was at the same time a fervent promoter of mutual tolerance and understanding not only among the diverse people who lived in his domain but also across the country. The toga of acrimony, thuggery and violence which stigmatized the politics and the people of Ife and Modakeke for many years was permanently brought to an end by him with the support of his royal colleagues. Today, there can be no gainsaying that his nearly four-decade reign was marked by unprecedented peace-making and lasting peace and prosperity in Ife and Modadeke.

The late Oba followed the tradition of his great predecessors. He was a great traditional leader, urbane and respected by his subjects. His influence transcended the Kingdom of Ife and, indeed, Osun State. He stood shoulder-to-shoulder with traditional rulers across Nigeria and beyond the shore of Nigeria and was very well respected among his counterparts from the South, North and East. He was a unifying force not just in Ife but in the whole of the South Western zone and beyond.

Oba Sijuwade’s journey to meet his ancestors means an irreplaceable loss to his family, his people, Osun State and, indeed, Nigeria. For those of us who knew Oba Sijuwade closely for many years, the good times we shared, the successes we achieved together and the lessons we learned are as consoling as the legacy he left behind. Only about ten days ago he invited me to Ife to share with him his views and feelings on some national and community issues. It was like a parting shot.

Oba Sijuwade may no longer be with us but his legacy endures. He had a vision for his Kingdom and pursued it with every resource available to him. We must not let that vision for the greatness of Ife and the entire Yorubaland depart with him.

As we bid farewell to this great Nigerian, let us rededicate ourselves to the values he cherished and lived by such as love of the country and community as well as the readiness to help the less fortunate at all times.

On behalf of my family and on my own behalf, I extend heartfelt condolences on the final transition of Alaiyeluwa Okunade Sijuwade and pray that the Almighty God grant you all the fortitude to bear this irreparable loss.

May the soul of the dear departed rest in perfect peace.

OLUSEGUN OBASANJO

Lagos Crash: Three killed in Third Mainland helicopter crash. First Photos emerge

A helicopter belonging to Bristow Helicopters with 12 people on board Wednesday, crashed into the Lagoon near the Oworonshoki end of the Third Mainland Bridge in Lagos.

According to an eyewitness, the aircraft marked 5NBGD was said to be coming from one of the oil rigs in Escravos area of the Niger Delta and was said to be heading for Lagos Island when it went down around 3.p.m.

According to reports, three of those on board were confirmed dead while four wounded ones were moved to the nearby Gbagada General Hospital.

NEMA-officials-in-rescue-efforts-at-helicopter-crash-scene

The crash was said to have occurred at the back of Oworonsoki Police station after a loud bang was heard from the helicopter.

First respondents, the National Emergency Management Agency, NEMA, its Lagos state counterparts, LASEMA, and policemen are said to have embarked on rescue operations.

According to the Divisional Police Office, DPO, Oworonshoki, Chief Superintendent of Police, CSP Chijioke Nduka, who led officers to the scene to rescue victims, there was a loud sound from the aircraft before the crash. He said more officers including the Area Commander Ikeja Command, were at the scene assisting operatives of NEMA in the rescue operations.

To make rescue operations easier, routes to the site of the crash had been cordoned off hence gridlock on the Third Mainland.

Citizen Bankole Asks Salient Questions On Education Rot In Ogun State (Updated)

Mr Olusegun Bankole

"This is a major standpoint that all educated and enlightened ones must come up to take a critical position. The issue should transcend who I support politically or which party I belong to. This is an issue that affects the educational structure of our state; it is therefore a state matter not political"

One of the uncompleted Model Schools sited in the bush

I want to challenge anybody who falls into any of the following categories to identify himself and tell us when & where it happened to him: 

1. Has there been a time when examination was not conducted on you as at when due? 

2. Has there been a particular term when YOU write two examinations in a single term? 

3. Has there been a time when the government or school authority failed to give you terminal report even after you have written examinations? 

4. Has there been a time in your secondary school days that a term that's supposed lapsed for 13 weeks stretched to 15th and examination ended on the last day of the 15th week? 

These and many other several questions are seriously begging for attention. 

""As we speak, JSS1 & SS1 students will have no report sheet for the last academic session, they will only have the names of those promoted to the next class pasted on the wall. Majority of every commentators here are not parents of the students of public schools.""

Many, if not all, are patronizing the private schools hence, they might not be directly affected. 

However, they should be concerned and affected too. You should lend credence to the voice that calls for sanity I our educational polity.

Ghana does not manage Nigeria’s airspace—GCAA

The Ghana Civil Aviation Authority, GCAA, has denied reports that Ghana manages the airspace of Nigeria over the Gulf of Guinea.

According to the GCAA, Ghana only manages the airspace of Togo and Benin.

Deputy Director General, Finance and Administration of Ghana Civil Aviation Authority Abdullai Alhassan, disclosed that International Civil Aviation Organization, ICAO, has sent a delegation to Nigeria to ascertain the truth concerning President Muhammadu Buhari’s order to Nigeria’s Ministry of Aviation to take over the security of the nation’s airspace over the Gulf of Guinea from Ghana.

Alhassan said: “At the international civil aviation level, they have sent the regional director to Nigeria to find out exactly what they mean because Ghana is not managing the airspace of Nigeria. Unlike Togo and Benin, where we manage their airspace, we do not know about the management of the Nigeria’s airspace.”

Alhassan disclosed that the IATA council is handling the issue and in fact they have even sent a delegation to Nigeria to ascertain the truth in the matter since they are all aware that Ghana does not manage the airspace of Nigeria.

The latest development follows reports that President Buhari has directed the Ministry of Aviation to take over from Ghana, the management of the Nigerian airspace in the Gulf of Guinea.

He is reported to have given the directive at the State House in Abuja last week while receiving a briefing from top officials of the ministry led by Permanent Secretary, Hajiya Binta Bello.

The permanent secretary later told State House journalists that Buhari ordered her ministry to begin the process of securing the management of the Nigerian airspace which, she noted, Ghana had been managing since 1945.

The permanent secretary said Togo and Benin Republic had equally concluded arrangements to take over their airspaces from Ghana.

“We have a directive by the president to start the process of securing the management of the Nigerian airspace over the Gulf of Guinea which Ghana has been maintaining since 1945, and there is a move on the ground by Togo and Republic of Benin to take over their own airspace from Ghana,” she said.

Why have 96million balls been released into a reservoir?

There is something about dumping 96million balls into a reservoir to block out the sun that seems very old school.

But it’s actually a new technology – and a very cheap and effective one at that – that is being used in Los Angeles to protect water quality.

The city just released the last batch of around 20,000 ‘shade balls’ onto the 175-acre surface of the LA Reservoir to prevent sunlight-triggered chemical reactions, deter birds and other wildlife and protect water from rain and wind-blown dust.

The shade balls cost $34.5million (£22million), or $0.36 (£0.23) each, and are expected to save $250million (£160million). Splitting the reservoir into two with a dam and installing floating covers were considered as alternatives, but either of these would have cost in excess of $300million (£192.5million).

The balls cost $0.36 each (Picture: REX Shutterstock)

The shade balls require no construction, parts, labour or maintenance aside from occasional rotation.

‘In the midst of California’s historic drought, it takes bold ingenuity to maximize my goals for water conservation,’ said Mayor Eric Garcetti.

‘This effort by LADWP is emblematic of the kind of the creative thinking we need to meet those challenges.’

The reservoir holds 3.3billion gallons of water – enough to supply Los Angeles for up to three weeks.

Metro 

KFC selling bright pink and black diamond burgers in a bid to boost sales in China

The fast-food chain is hoping to reverse a three-year decline

KFC is selling rose pink and black diamond burgers in a bid to boost ailing sales in China.

The fast food chain recently revealed the new options, which it hopes will help turnaround sales following a three-year decline.

The bright pink Rose Cheese Roasted Burger contains roasted chicken, cheese, mayonnaise, tomato and lettuce sandwiched between two pink baps, reports The Nanfang.

While the more bling looking Black Diamond Bacon Spicy Chicken Burger allows customers to feast on a spicy chicken leg.

The move comes after rival burger brand Burger King recently launched red and black burgers in Japan, as well as an all-black sandwich there.

LOL! Ooni Of Ife: Abobaku Allegedly Runs Away

The death of the Ooni of Ife, Oba Okunade Sijuwade, has brought up many controversies.


Late Ooni

First, there were disputes about whether he had really died, then disagreement over the curfew in the state and now the ‘Abobaku’. The Abobaku has reportedly run away after the death of the prestigious Oba. If the tweet below is to be believed, it means the final rites on behalf of the deceased Ooni of Ife might be stalled.

According to Yoruba tradition, a king does not die alone. His burial rites include being buried with other people. This is when an Abobaku comes into the picture. An Abobaku lives his life for the king and he is buried alongside the king. In the authentic tradition, just as there is a lineage that become king, there is also always a family dedicated to the ancient belief of dying with the king. An Abobaku also enjoys great benefits while he is still alive. See tweets of Nigerians reacting to the Abobaku story below:

Diezani Released her Photo in London Hospital

Diezani Allison Maduekwe, Former Nigerian Petroleum Minister on her sick bed in London

A journalist uploaded her own naked pictures to a revenge porn website. What happened next is awful

Warning: Some people may find this article NSFW

Anna Richardson raises her hand to her mouth in shock as she looks at her laptop screen.

"Oh my God. This isn't right. This isn't normal," she says.

The TV presenter had just uploaded pornographic pictures of herself on to a revenge porn website, and the comments were rolling in.

"I would destroy this bitch and treat her like the slut bag she is," reads one. "Spit in her mouth and choke her while throat f--king," says another.

Speaking to i100.co.uk, the journalist said she was "pig ignorant" about the hideous reality of online sexual revenge before being approached to work on Channel 4's new documentaryRevenge Porn.


I knew a great deal about sexual health from working on The Sex Education Show but this was something new to me. I thought it was bad, you know, an ex posting pictures of your boobs on Facebook, but not like this. It's a lot more complex and insidious than people think.

Folani Prehaye, a victim of revenge porn and an active campaigner for tougher laws to tackle the problem, is featured in the documentary

Richardson said that during the course of filming the documentary in the UK and the US she learned that there are three stages to the revenge porn cycle. Firstly, spurned lovers - usually men - upload sexually explicit pictures of the women who upset them to Facebook or other social media without their ex's consent to get their own back.

Once they're online, though, there's no telling where the pictures can end up. Many shots get posted to revenge porn websites where they are viewed hundreds of thousands of times by people who want to "consume misery and be the perpetrators of misogyny and humiliation".

But the last and most gruesome stage, Richardson says, are the message boards on these websites, which are like "the Wild West of the internet." Within the revenge porn community, members win accolades for driving victims to self harm and suicide.

Under anonymous profiles, commenters trade information they can glean from social media or hacking about these women's routines, addresses, where they work and where their children go to school. They talk about how and why they'd rape, murder or dismember the woman in question.

Hunter Moore, founder of Is Anyone Up?, one of the first revenge porn sites, was arrested by the FBI and charged with hacking and identity theft in 2014

So who are these people? The motivation to create the sites is cruel but clear: Hunter Moore, who set up one of the first ones, earned up to $13,000 a month charging women to remove pictures uploaded by exes and those he hacked from private servers himself. The reasons why the desire to pour such vitriol on female strangers is so strong and widespread are less obvious.

So Richardson used her own naked body as bait to try and find out.

Originally the documentary team thought about using a model, but the presenter said she felt uneasy about the idea. She told us:


I felt really uncomfortable about doing that to another woman. It made sense that if I was going to understand it, I needed to do it myself.

Richardson thought that volunteering herself as a subject would enable her recreate the revenge porn timeline better and help her understand what the victims must go through - and the prospect scared her.

"I was extremely anxious and distressed about it, actually," she said. "One of the most frightening things is that at one point, we went to the website to check on the pictures, and suddenly they had disappeared. We don't know why or where they had gone."

Experts the team consulted with said that after the pictures had been up for about two weeks the host of the site may have figured out Richardson wasn't really an angry ex-boyfriend, since her face had been blurred out of the pictures - but she has no way of knowing.

It wasn't about the pornographic stuff. It's humiliation these guys want. It's a petri dish of people indulging in really toxic, negative sides of their personality, and never having to take responsibility for what they say or do.

While the UK outlawed revenge porn three weeks ago, many campaigners say significant loopholes mean many victims won't get justice, and it will be a long time before the appetite for these sites ebbs away.

Ultimately, Richardson says, we need a culture shift towards a society where women can own their own bodies and sexualities. "Every woman is entitled to take pictures of herself, and do what she pleases with them." It's the power balance that needs to change, she says.


In a sense the reason I was OK with uploading my own pictures is because I was in charge when I was doing it. I got to think, 'I own my own body, you don't get to humilate me. F--k you.'

Revenge Porn is on Channel 4 on Monday 17th August at 10pm.

Man gets free pizza for a year after pitting Three and O2 against each other on Twitter

Dan May drew the mobile companies into a pizza war and ended up winning himself free pizza for a year

A British man has won himself free pizza for a year after he pit the marketing departments of two British phone companies against each other on Twitter.


The 'hijack' of the marketing campaigns began when mobile company O2 offered its Twitter followers free pizzas delivered to their office.

All people had to do was reply to O2's message with their location and a hashtag, and a handful of lucky winners would get their hands on the pizza.

Naturally, Dan May gave it a go - but the promised pizza never arrived.

Disappointed, he Tweeted O2 again - threatening to switch to rival phone provider Three unless they made good on their pizza promise.

Three noticed his tweet, and picked up O2's slack, delivering a pile of pizzas and a hefty amount of ice cream to his office on the same day.

Not to be outdone, O2 went for the nuclear option - offering May free pizza for the rest of the year.

His pitting of the two mobile giants against each other was well-timed - a deal to merge Three and O2, which came after Hong Kong telecoms conglomerate Hutchison agreed to buy O2 from Telefonica for £10.5 billion, will go before European competition watchdogs next month.

Until then, they're still separate companies, so if you're planning on forcing them to compete against each other to get freebies, then you better hurry up.

Nigeria: President as Minister of Petroleum?

President Buhari on his farm

THE news has been making the rounds in both the conventional and internet media that President Muhammadu Buhari is to assume the position of Minister of Petroleum when he appoints ministers next month.

According to the information reportedly leaked after a meeting of the president with chieftains of his party, the All Progressives Congress (APC) in Abuja over the impending ministerial appointments, Buhari said he would take the action as part of his move to sanitise the oil sector and rid it of corruption.

Ordinarily, this should be a welcome development for several reasons. Number one is that the president’s reputation as “Mr Clean” remains intact, even among his political adversaries. Number two is that the fight against corruption, especially in the cash-cow oil sector, has been a major concern of Nigerians which Buhari promised to address during his campaigns. Number three and most importantly, is that President Buhari is a veteran in the management of the sector. He spearheaded the establishment of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) when he was oil minister in the late 1970’s. He has the cognate experience to do a thorough job and creating the right template before ceding the position to a cabinet minister.

However, we are concerned about issues of transparency and accountability if the president chooses to take up the post in addition to his onerous and overloaded duties as the nation’s Chief Executive and Security Officer. The nation is still at sea over the way in which former President Olusegun Obasanjo handled the same job for six years from 1999 when he assumed power. A number of turnaround maintenance projects were undertaken and billions of naira sunk and yet the refineries remained comatose until after Buhari took over, and they started bouncing back, as if by magic. We do not want a repeat of the nation being put in the dark about proceedings in the industry.

One big disadvantage of having the president of the country as Minister of Petroleum Resources is that it will be very difficult, if not impossible, for him to be summoned by the National Assembly to be grilled over any misgivings that might arise, and to supply information that will help to set the minds of Nigerians at rest when the “clean-up” of the industry begins. The story will be different if a minister is on the job.

We suggest that the president appoints a person of proven competence and integrity to carry out his mandate in the industry and be available and accountable to Nigerians through the federal legislature, the media and civil society.

Once bitten, they say, twice shy. A minister should be put on the job for greater transparency, accessibility and accountability.

Judge awards prisoner $1,251 after guard stops him hugging wife

Kevin King was given the pay-out after a jury ruled his constitutional rights had been violated by him not being able to hug his wife

A convicted killer has been awarded $1,251 in compensation by a judge after a prison guard stopped him from hugging his wife.


Kevin King, 52, was handed the payout by a jury last week, which decided that his rights had been violated.

King is serving a life sentence in a Michigan prison for a 1982 murder committed during an armed robbery

He was given $1250 in punitive damages and $1 for a violation of his First Amendment rights – which guarantees Americans the right to expression.

The judge ruled that prison officer Tiffaney Williams had retaliated against King over his previous complaints about not being allowed to touch his wife.

In 2012, the couple were reportedly made to sit a few feet apart and were not allowed to embrace.

Judge Matthew Leitman said this had undervalued human contact and the fact that the couple’s “sole form of intimacy” was touching each other.

The Michigan department of corrections had argued that the guard’s actions were minimal and did not go against the couple’s constitutional rights.

Assistant Attorney General John Thurber said: “It trivialises the First Amendment to allow such a minor occurrence to constitute an adverse actions,” reports Sky News.

FIFA Presidency: Fashanu explains support for Kalu

.As UASD, Obieri urge FG to back him

Uzor Kalu

Nigerian football Ambassador, John Fashanu has given reasons why he wants former Abia State governor, Dr Orji Uzor Kalu to run for FIFA presidency.

Fashanu who spoke yesterday on Channels Television said he is championing the course because of his strong conviction that Kalu as FIFA president will deliver, even as he added that it was high time a black African emerged as leader of the world soccer governing body.

In his words: “Those of us urging Kalu to run are doing so because we know his pedigree and antecedents. He is a competent and charismatic manager whose candidacy can fly in Africa and other parts of the world. He has managed his businesses well and football is now big business. Kalu has what it takes to run FIFA. He has what it takes to take on Platini and others and win the FIFA presidency. We are backing him because he is the right person for the job. Again, some of us strongly believe it is high time the world elects an African FIFA president and the right choice will be Kalu.”

The ex-international pointed out that Kalu is not an outsider when it comes to FIFA politics as he is well known in global football circle and had in fact before now been attending FIFA meetings.

“We are holding discussions at the highest level and we just pray that he (Kalu) will give us the green light and accept to run. He is one candidate this country and Africa can use to win the FIFA presidency,” Fashanu said.

Meanwhile , a non-governmental organization, United Africa for Sports Development (UASD), has also declared its support for Kalu.

The body in a statement signed by Dr. Batos Nwadike, (chairman), Keshi Kwensi, (secretary) and Dickson Nnamdi Iroegbu, (publicity secretary), said with the contributions of Africa to the development of football, this is the time for the continent to mount the saddle at FIFA.

“Africa, having contributed tremendously to the development of global football deserves the headship position of the world soccer governing body.”

On why Kalu should be supported, UASD said: “Kalu as a footballer himself, a successful football administrator and sponsor of numerous clubs and tournaments, is ably qualified to assume the exulted seat of FIFA President. FIFA currently deserves a man of integrity and business-minded fellow as president, therefore Kalu as a Pillar of sports in Africa will bring to bear in the global soccer body his wealth of experience and passion, to the benefit of the beautiful game.”

Calling on the Muhammadu Buhari government to endorse and support Kalu, UASD stated: “We urge President Buhari and his administration, and all soccer loving Nigerians to support this noble aspiration.”

Just like UASD, veteran ace broadcaster , Rollings Obieri has thrown his weight behind those urging Kalu to vie for the FIFA presidency, even as he charged the nation’s soccer governing body, NFF to support it.

“I just pray the nation’s football authorities will support this project. Nigeria must learn to support its competent citizens aspiring to lead world bodies. Kalu is a man that is passionate about football. We have seen what he can do with Enyimba. I think he has what it takes to lead FIFA. It is a dream that is realizable, if only he gets the support from the home front. It is only Nigeria that can bungle this and I pray those running our football will do the right thing and get Kalu to run,” Obieri said.

Nigeria: My ‘Orubebe’ experience, by Jega

•Alleges certain forces wanted to derail 2015 elections

Erstwhile chairman of the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC), Prof. Attahiru Jega, has explained how he survived the needless provocation engineered by former Minister of Niger-Delta, Mr. Godsday Orubebe during the collation of the March 28 presidential election in Abuja.

He said despite the blackmail and sabotage, he was determined to give Nigerians credible polls. Jega alleged that certain forces were‎ bent on derailing this year’s general elections which was earlier scheduled to commence on February 14, but postponed to March 28 by Jega.

The former INEC boss whose tenure recently expired, gave the revelation in an interview with Zero Tolerancemagazine, published by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC).‎ “We were determined to ensure that no matter the provocation, we would ensure that the results were tabulated and announced,” he said.

“So, we did our best knowing that God willing, people can drop and die; but as long as we are alive, we will continue to do our best under all circumstances,” he added.

On March 31, 2015, during the collation of the presidential election results at the International Conference (ICC), Abuja, Mr. Orubebe, supported by agents of the now opposition Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), temporarily disrupted the exercise.

Orubebe, who ambushed the moderator of the exercise, insisted that Jega must respond to his party’s petition, wherein he alleged that the INEC boss was biased in favour of President Muhammadu Buhari and his All Progressives Congress (APC).

Orubebe’s action drew condemnations and was roundly chastised by Jega who ignored his pleas and went ahead with the collation and announcement of the presidential election results.

“I feel satisfied that a lot has happened in INEC and whoever comes will find it easier than we found it when we came in, and will be able to continue to add value to what exists. I knew I was doing this job to the best of my ability without any bias, so, accusations of bias did not really concern me. I tried to remain focused and urged all those with whom I worked with to remain focused. So, we were not distracted.

“I thank God that all those accusations and allegations did not distract us and we remained focused and able to do our best under very difficult circumstances,” Jega added.

Boko Haram: 48 more killed, scores injured in Borno

From TIMOTHY OLANREWAJU, Maiduguri

At least 48 people have been killed in a bomb blast at a local market in a remote Borno State community. Source said some explosive devices which were carefully concealed in a usually crowded part of the Sabongari market, Damboa Local Government Area in the south, went off at about 1.35pm yesterday, killing at least 48 people.

A vigilance member in Damboa said more than 40 people were injured in the attack. He said the bomb was concealed inside the market, adding that the perpetrators allowed commercial activities to peak before detonating the bomb.

Some residents of Maiduguri who hailed from the area told Daily Sun that the community was thrown first into confusion and later, mourning as the casualty rose to 48 by yesterday evening.

“Almost all the families lost loved ones. The bomb attack was devastating. We learnt from our people that bodies littered the scene of the blast,” Dauda Yusuf, a Maiduguri resident told Daily Sun on phone.

He said residents of Sabongari were so shocked that they couldn’t pick the bodies from the scene in time. He said more than 40 people have, however, been taken to the hospital.

The bomb attack came two days after suspected Boko Haram insurgents ambushed a commercial Golf car in a village near Sabongari, killing four passengers.

Ex-lawmaker, 2 others killed

From Rose Ejembi, Makurdi

Three persons including a former lawmaker, Douglas Begha, were on Monday feared killed and two others have been injured in Zaki-Biam, Ukum Local Government Area of Benue State when gunmen stormed the community.

Crime Watch Today gathered that Begha was in his Kendev Village home on kilometer 3, Zaki-Biam when the gunmen invaded his house and shot him. He was said to have died on the spot.

Confirming the report, Deputy Police Public Relations Officer (DPPRO), Mr. Matthew Oku, said at about 8pm, police received information that three armed men operating on a motorcycle invaded the house of Hon. Begha at Kendev Village, shot and killed him on the spot.

Oku said Begha’s son, was also injured during the attack even as the gunmen while escaping from the premises, shot and killed a motorcyclist. He said aside the 12-year-old Begha’s son, the cyclist passenger was also injured.

The bodies have been deposited at St. Anthony’s Hospital, Zaki-Biam while the two injured persons are responding to treatment.”

The DPPRO who confirmed only two deaths in the attack, said the Commissioner of Police, Dibal Yakadi, is aware. He said investigation was in progress as detectives had already been dispatched to the area.

He said that no arrest has been made at Press time, but assured that the police will arrest the culprits.

In the last few months, the Benue North-East had been under sever attack by yet to be identified gunmen who had killed several persons including the political god-father of former Governor Gabriel Suswam, Chief Atoza Ihindan.

Only last week, eight persons were killed and others injured in Zaki Biam by gunmen who were riding on a motorcycle.

Sun

‘Couples should have sex as often as possible’ - Nollywood Yoruba Actress

Big, bold and beautiful aptly describes Bimbo Thomas, the famed ‘Nikky’ in the popular Yoruba blockbuster film ‘Omo Ghetto’ produced by Funke Akindele. She is remembered in the film as a street urchin who would stop at nothing in getting what she wants. But in real life, Bimbo is nothing like ‘Nikky’ the character she portrayed so well. She is an easy-going person who would bedazzle you with her smiles and courteous manners.

The voluptuous beauty spoke with one of our reporters recently and she let us into her world, a world no one has ever travelled. She talked sex, life and relationships. Courteous as she is, the Chief Executive Officer of Bimbally Wine Store is as direct and down-to-earth as any frank person could get.

“I’ve always had guys crushing on me, but I never dated any of them. However I had my first kiss in secondary school few weeks to my final exams. As for my first relationship, it was with a guy called Kumi and we had been friends for a long time before that” she says while narrating her love story

She explains she doesn’t jump into relationships even when all the signs are there. She wouldn’t even allow a guy to peck her unless they have been together for a while. “I’ll act as if I can’t read between the lines. I won’t even peck an ordinary friend; it’s that bad”.

She may be slow in getting in the mood but once she does, it appears she loves going straight into the groove as she posits when asked how often couples should have sex.”As often as possible. Maybe four times in a week. If time permits, and we’re not far apart.

Vanguard News

Nigeria: Two mothers, 25-yr-old boy shot dead, as Benin cult war rages

BENIN—SUSPECTED cultists went on rampage Monday evening in Benin, Edo State capital, killing two mothers when they attacked the homes of some of their targets.

This came as a youth leader in the state, Mr. Tony Adun, alias Tony Kabaka, who raised an alarm over the spate of cult-related killings in the state, called on the state government and the state House of Assembly to urgently set up a task force against cultism in the state to check the excesses of the perpetrators.

No fewer than 25 persons, according to him, have been killed by cultists in the state in the past two weeks.

The armed men were said to have stormed Virginia Junction by Murtala Muhammed Way, at about 8pm in search of their target, said to be a 25-year-old boy.

Edo State Governor Adams Oshiomhole

They were said to have gone to the store belonging to the mother of their target, but when they queried the woman about the whereabouts of the son, she was said to have told them that she had not set her eyes on him for over two weeks.

The armed men were said to have gone to the residence of the boy and found him at home. They killed him, went back to the woman’s shop and shot her dead.

In New Benin area, the gun-men shot their target’s mother as they could not find him.

Over 10 persons have died in the past week in the renewed cult war, to which the police command in the state is yet to find a solution.

Vanguard News

‘The police arrested me, tied me to their van and shot me’

•Victim seeks justice

SIMON EBEGBULEM, BENIN CITY

BARELY two weeks after one Chibuike Edeh, a 26-year-old worker of Protea Hotel-Benin City, died mysteriously in the custody of the police, a trigger happy police Inspector, identified as Obaro, allegedly shot another man, 25-year-old Smart Ogah, over N40 at a check point along llushi/Ubiaja Road in Esan South East Local Government Area of Edo State, last Monday.

In a petition addressed to the state Police Commissioner, Mr Samuel Adegbuyi, through his solicitor, Sheriff Okoh Esq., the victim, currently receiving treatment in an hospital, narrated how Obaro allegedly pumped bullets into his body after he handed over N40 to policemen at the check point.

The Inspector was said to be angry that the money was too small. The victim, who narrated his ordeal to Sunday Vanguard at the hospital, said, “I was going to Uromi that evening when I met the police at the check point along llushi/Ubiaja Road. They stopped my motorcycle. They asked me for money and I gave them the N40 with me. One of them was collecting the money from me but the second police man said the money was not enough.

Before I knew what was happening, he slapped me.

Smart Ogah…Shot by trigger happy police man

They tied me to their Hilux van. This man who shot me went into the Hilux and brought out his gun. He shot me with the gun and dropped it. He said he will tell me that he is an Igarra man, that he will kill me and nothing will happen. His colleagues were blaming him for shooting me. The man said I looked like the boy who assaulted them when they came to my village to arrest some body. I am from Ullushi main town in Esan South East. When they were blaming him, he now threw the handcuff key to others that they should remove the handcuff; that was how they took me to hospital.

“This happened last Monday. They apologised to me that they were sorry, that it was a mistake. Today, they told my uncle that they will take care of the bill and that they were going to give me N100,000 at the end of the day. But I didn’t agree to that. Since then, it only one of the policemen has been coming to the hospital to see me. Even since my first day in hospital, I have never set my eyes on the one that shot me. The policemen are attached to Ubiaja Police Station.

The DPO came to the hospital twice; the first time he came he gave me N2,000. Now they want to destroy my life. I am assisting my mum in the farm. I am just an ordinary school certificate holder and I did diploma in computer basic information technology. I wish to continue my education but I don’t know what the future holds for me now because my hand has been battered by the police bullet. My dad is late, we are managing life with my mum. We are five in number and I am the only son of my father.

I am appealing to Governor Adams Oshiomhole and other well-meaning Nigerians to help me so that I can get justice”.

Meanwhile in the petition addressed to Edo State Commissioner of Police, the lawyer is demanding that “ proper and adequate disciplinary measures be taken against our client’s assailants for their unlawful acts of torture, brutalization and violent attacks to his right to life, as well as authorise the payment of the sum of N10million to our client for further and better medical treatment abroad”. The petition warned that if the demand was not met in seven days, the victim will proper commence legal action to demand for justice from the police.

Speaking to Sunday Vanguard, the lawyer, Okoh, said: “Our client’s right to life was almost violated. The shooting that took place was an attempt at summary execution of an innocent citizen by men of the police, using a double barrel gun. In a country where every policeman on duty is assigned a rifle, we understand that the gun is a private gun belonging to the police Inspector Obaro who committed the act. The shooting was a violation of Section 36 Sub Section 6 of the Constitution which accords the right to fair hearing to the said Smart Ogah no matter what offence he may have committed. He was tied to a van and the assailant pumped bullets into him, that same act was a violation of Section 33 of the Constitution which guarantees Ogah the right to life.

“Read blocks have been abolished by the former IGP and we are not aware of any order from the IG instructing any police officer to come back to the road and mount check point thereby infringing on the right to freedom of movement of innocent Nigerians and extorting money from them.

This is a daily occurrence and a notorious practice by policemen from Esan Area Command, Irrua, Ubiaja Division and Uromi Divisions of the police who mount road blocks along Ubiaja Agbor Road and Ubiaja Ullushi Road and Ubiaja Ewohimi Road where they harass innocent citizens and market women every day. Even though several reports have been made in the past, no action has been taken because it is strongly believed that some top police officers get returns from these road blocks”.

Contacted, Edo State police spokesman, Mr Joseph Edogiawerie, said the command will contact the Area Commander concerned to have a detailed report on the Ogor incident.

Vanguard News

Term limits: Africa not backward, Museveni replies Obama

Ugandan President, Yoweri Museveni, has criticised US President, Barrack Obama, over his remarks about African leaders’ failure to respect presidential term limits and clinging to power for life. He said on Wednesday at a joint news briefing with his Kenyan counterpart, Uhuru Kenyatta, at State House, Kampala, that Obama and other western leaders should respect the will of Africans who “democratically” elect their leaders.

Yoweri Museveni of Uganda

Obama, had during a keynote address to Africa Union’s 54-member nations, in Addis Ababa, during his visit in July, called on African countries’ presidents to respect their constitutions and step down at the end of their terms. “I just don’t understand the phenomenon of leaders who refuse to step aside when their terms end. No one should be president for life.

“There is still so much I want to get done to keep America moving forward, but the law is the law and no one is above it, not even presidents,” he had said. Museveni said “for those who focus on term limits, we don’t think they are correct. “Africa is not a back world because of term limits, but because of its lack of federation, common market, infrastructure and security.

“I don’t know what he meant; I don’t care, that is none of my business. ‘’For us in Uganda, we rejected this business of term limits. If I am in power because I am voted by the people, then I am there by the will of the people”. It would be recalled that Ugandan parliament had, in 2005, voted to scrap the two-term presidential limit in the country’s constitution.

According the Museveni, there are usually elections in Uganda and every five years the people have a choice to make. “We are going to have elections here; Ugandans will tell you about the term limit. “I have no apology to make to Obama; it’s only the US which has term limits. Look at Israel, UK and Germany, they don’t have term limits.


US President Barack Obama

“Look at Tunisia, with confusion from some western countries; they voted for a man of 88 years old. They were stuck, having made a lot of mistakes,” he said. Museveni, who has been in power since 1986, last week picked his ruling National Resistance Movement party’s nominations form to run as its presidential flag bearer for the fifth term in office in the 2016 polls.

On his part, Kenyatta told reporters that the popularity of a leader in a country was not determined by term limits. “If Ugandans have chosen no term limits, I don’t see the problem with it. “If it’s people’s desire, you must abide by the will of the people. We need to respect the democratic will of the people in the country or region,” he said.

Kenyatta insisted that what must be respected is the popular will of the people. He said that the popularity was all about how much peace, development, progress and stability you give to your people. He said that time had come to always allow people to choose their leaders through the ballot rather than by imposition. “We must focus on prosperity for our people, infrastructure, federation and security,’’ he said.

Vanguard News

MI, Jagz, others to rock stage at Benin StarMusicTrek

MI Abaga

Multi-talented musicians and siblings, MI Abaga and Jesse Jagz will be performing at the Star Music Trek concert scheduled to hold at the Samuel Ogbemudia Stadium, Benin on Saturday, August 15th 2015.

The two Choc Boi Nation artistes will make a rare joint appearance on-stage at the concert tagged #BeninRocks alongside artistes such as Burna Boy, Wande Coal, Sheyi Shay, DJ Neptune, DJ Switch and hometown girl Cynthia Morgan.

This will only be the second time since their much-publicised reunion that the Jos-born brothers will perform together onstage.

Speaking on the upcoming concert tagged #BeninRocks! MI Remarked, “I can’t wait to get in front of the crowd in Benin City and show them what I have for them.

It’s going to be a party”. Following BeninRocks! The 2015 Star Music Trek will berth in Ibadan on August 22 and finally Lagos on August 29.

BREAKING: Unidentified helicopter crashes into Third Mainland bridge

An unidentified helicopter on Wednesday, around 3.40 pm, plunged into the ocean of Third Mainland bridge, behind Oworonshoki Police Station, Lagos.

Eye witness accounts said that the helicopter made a loud noise before nose-diving into the ocean, adding that the Police and officials of the National Emergency Management Agency ( NEMA), South West zone, have begun rescue efforts.

Details later

Terrifying pictures emerge of an 18 FOOT shark caught off surfing beach

Thought it was safe to go back in the water?

Two photographs of a dead tiger shark, which is reportedly six metres long, have started to circulate on Facebook

Geoff Brooks said the massive apex predator was hauled out of the water off Seven Mile beach in Lennox Head 

Reports have emerged that the shark's enormous body had been handed over to authorities with the CSIRO 

 
However, a spokesperson revealed that no one from CSIRO have accounted for the body

A fisherman has come forward, claiming to have caught the marine predator off the Tweed coast 'a while ago'


Geoff Brooks posted two images of the apex predator to Facebook on Tuesday, however he said the tiger shark was 'caught off 7 Mile Beach over the weekend'

'As far as I'm aware; It was a kill order on a shark here on the far north coast that was identified as being responsible for a local attack'

Diver comes face to face with a four metre Tiger Shark



According to the Department of Environment, several species are known to be dangerous to humans, including the tiger shark

Seven Mile Beach in Lennox Head, on NSW's north coast, is one of the most popular surfing spots in Australia

This comes amid reports that a vigilante group of surfers are planning a covert culling of sharks in the area following a string of sightings and attacks along the popular coastline

Tiger shark steals camera and swims off with diver attached

23 reasons your laptop is better than a boyfriend or girlfriend

Relationships come and go, but the internet is forever.

Feeling a bit concerned about the amount of time you spend in the default position of slouching in bed, laptop open?

Don’t stress. Being single and in love with your laptop is significantly more fulfilling than any romantic relationship. Here’s why.

1. A laptop’s just as good for snuggling as any significant other
Its warm glow on your lap beats actual human contact and body warmth any day.

2. It’ll never judge you for your internet searches
Mid-afternoon ‘am I dying?’ search? No problem.

3. Or for spending hours stalking your ex on social media
No boyfriend or girlfriend would helpfully suggest your ex’s last name as you’re typing in the Facebook search bar.

4. And will indulge all your worst habits
Sometimes you need to spend an absurd amount of money shopping on Asos.
Your laptop will help and support you, without all of that ‘being a responsible adult’ nonsense.

5. It’ll never come home drunk and annoying
And when you’re drunk, it’s there for you with limitless YouTube and acceptance of your embarrassing tweets.

6. Your laptop doesn’t have annoying parents and friends you have to get along with
Like dating a friendship-free orphan. Except less depressing.

7. Bored of how your laptop looks? Just give it a new case or background
Trying the same technique on people tends to be a bit offensive, sadly.

8. Your laptop doesn’t get jealous when you check out other laptops online
It will even help you search for a new one. Such a chilled out relationship.

9. Your laptop won’t mind if you let yourself go a bit
It’s just happy to spend lazy internet time with you.

10. It’s the perfect ‘Netflix and chill’ companion
Because let’s be real, it’s the Netflix that’s key here, not the person watching with you.

11. And it’s never boring
A laptop never rambles on about football for two hours. And if you want something a bit more exciting, you just open a new tab.
It’s like being in the magical honeymoon stage, forever.

12. You don’t need to worry about your laptop getting with other people
Password protected, bitches.

13. All your rough patches can be solved by turning it off and on
And if you’re not in the mood to try for a while, you can just leave it shut down for a few hours. It won’t mind.
It’ll welcome you back with the same start-up jingle, as if nothing bad ever happened.

14. Or if all else fails, a trip to IT support
Significantly less awkward than couples counselling.

15. You don’t have to impress your laptop with a fancy outfit

It appreciates your ultra stylish sweatpants and holey t-shirt combo.

16. Or a well-planned date night

No need to go out for dinner when you can order pizza online and watch a movie without leaving the sofa.

17. It understands that sometimes you need privacy

Incognito mode, activated.

18. There’s no confusion and mind games

You always know what you’re getting. Click ‘open Word’, and Word will open.

19. It doesn’t take a degree in sexuality to turn it on

It’s just one button. Genius.

20. It’ll do what you ask, no questions asked

And won’t even think you’re nagging when you ask it to close Chrome 5 times.

21. You can learn so many things together

It’s great being with someone who knows more than you do, and can teach you EVERYTHING. Through the power of Google.

22. It’s always there for you
Work, relaxing, moments of stress. Can’t sleep at 2am and need to look at cat gifs? Your laptop is there.

23. And when it’s time to move on, it’s okay

No awkward break-up here. Just a total hard-drive clear-out to erase your entire relationship, followed by a speedy upgrade.

Metro