23 reasons your laptop is better than a boyfriend or girlfriend

Relationships come and go, but the internet is forever.

Feeling a bit concerned about the amount of time you spend in the default position of slouching in bed, laptop open?

Don’t stress. Being single and in love with your laptop is significantly more fulfilling than any romantic relationship. Here’s why.

1. A laptop’s just as good for snuggling as any significant other
Its warm glow on your lap beats actual human contact and body warmth any day.

2. It’ll never judge you for your internet searches
Mid-afternoon ‘am I dying?’ search? No problem.

3. Or for spending hours stalking your ex on social media
No boyfriend or girlfriend would helpfully suggest your ex’s last name as you’re typing in the Facebook search bar.

4. And will indulge all your worst habits
Sometimes you need to spend an absurd amount of money shopping on Asos.
Your laptop will help and support you, without all of that ‘being a responsible adult’ nonsense.

5. It’ll never come home drunk and annoying
And when you’re drunk, it’s there for you with limitless YouTube and acceptance of your embarrassing tweets.

6. Your laptop doesn’t have annoying parents and friends you have to get along with
Like dating a friendship-free orphan. Except less depressing.

7. Bored of how your laptop looks? Just give it a new case or background
Trying the same technique on people tends to be a bit offensive, sadly.

8. Your laptop doesn’t get jealous when you check out other laptops online
It will even help you search for a new one. Such a chilled out relationship.

9. Your laptop won’t mind if you let yourself go a bit
It’s just happy to spend lazy internet time with you.

10. It’s the perfect ‘Netflix and chill’ companion
Because let’s be real, it’s the Netflix that’s key here, not the person watching with you.

11. And it’s never boring
A laptop never rambles on about football for two hours. And if you want something a bit more exciting, you just open a new tab.
It’s like being in the magical honeymoon stage, forever.

12. You don’t need to worry about your laptop getting with other people
Password protected, bitches.

13. All your rough patches can be solved by turning it off and on
And if you’re not in the mood to try for a while, you can just leave it shut down for a few hours. It won’t mind.
It’ll welcome you back with the same start-up jingle, as if nothing bad ever happened.

14. Or if all else fails, a trip to IT support
Significantly less awkward than couples counselling.

15. You don’t have to impress your laptop with a fancy outfit

It appreciates your ultra stylish sweatpants and holey t-shirt combo.

16. Or a well-planned date night

No need to go out for dinner when you can order pizza online and watch a movie without leaving the sofa.

17. It understands that sometimes you need privacy

Incognito mode, activated.

18. There’s no confusion and mind games

You always know what you’re getting. Click ‘open Word’, and Word will open.

19. It doesn’t take a degree in sexuality to turn it on

It’s just one button. Genius.

20. It’ll do what you ask, no questions asked

And won’t even think you’re nagging when you ask it to close Chrome 5 times.

21. You can learn so many things together

It’s great being with someone who knows more than you do, and can teach you EVERYTHING. Through the power of Google.

22. It’s always there for you
Work, relaxing, moments of stress. Can’t sleep at 2am and need to look at cat gifs? Your laptop is there.

23. And when it’s time to move on, it’s okay

No awkward break-up here. Just a total hard-drive clear-out to erase your entire relationship, followed by a speedy upgrade.

Metro