Goalscoring and assisting midfielders can gain you valuable points
The Premier League is back, which means its cool, fun, sort of sexy cousin is back too. Fantasy football leagues are under way across the nation, so players already have some idea about how their teams are shaping up, but there are bound to be a few surprises in the pipeline.
Some things, though, aren't so surprising. Fantasy football has a unique set of quirks, rules and foibles that only seasoned players will understand.
Here is a run down of the best of them.
1) A funny team name will be consistently funny all season
Absolutely Fabregas, Who Ate All Depays, Lord of the Ings: good team names are the best thing about fantasy football. They will be funny forever.
Telegraph Sport's Jonathan Liew picks his team for the new season. Can you beat him?
2) Formation is more important than it seems
Spending your cold, hard, fictional cash on the correct ratio of defenders, midfielders and attackers is key if you're in it for the long run. Solid, dependable points at the back, or the potential windfall of some attacking flair up front? Getting these decisions right could be the difference between glory and digital ignominy.
3) Defenders are soooo boring
We all know we need them, and it's important to get the decisions right, butgod, can't we just move on to the glamour players?!
2) Formation is more important than it seems
Spending your cold, hard, fictional cash on the correct ratio of defenders, midfielders and attackers is key if you're in it for the long run. Solid, dependable points at the back, or the potential windfall of some attacking flair up front? Getting these decisions right could be the difference between glory and digital ignominy.
3) Defenders are soooo boring
We all know we need them, and it's important to get the decisions right, butgod, can't we just move on to the glamour players?!
They're not sexy, but defenders can win you the game. Just ask George Graham
4) You will wish you had unlimited money
OK OK, we all know it would be no fun if we all had an endless supply of cash to spend ... but just imagine the possibilities. The best players available in every position. Austerity-free fantasy football! Wouldn't it be glorious?
Obviously not. Like life, you have to work hard at fantasy football in order to gain any true satisfaction from it. But it's nice to dream every now and then.
5) There will be drop outs
At least one person in your mini-league will stop bothering by Christmas – something to remember if the points don't seem to be going your way in the first few weeks.
4) You will wish you had unlimited money
OK OK, we all know it would be no fun if we all had an endless supply of cash to spend ... but just imagine the possibilities. The best players available in every position. Austerity-free fantasy football! Wouldn't it be glorious?
Obviously not. Like life, you have to work hard at fantasy football in order to gain any true satisfaction from it. But it's nice to dream every now and then.
5) There will be drop outs
At least one person in your mini-league will stop bothering by Christmas – something to remember if the points don't seem to be going your way in the first few weeks.
Roman Abramovich gets existential while watching his team play Photo: GETTY IMAGES
6) There will be surprises
Smart players know it's not all about packing your team full of obvious superstars. Sometimes confidence players will have a great run, or a previously leaky defence can dig deep and keep a few clean sheets. You can take advantage of these by introducing a bit of risk to your selections.
6) There will be surprises
Smart players know it's not all about packing your team full of obvious superstars. Sometimes confidence players will have a great run, or a previously leaky defence can dig deep and keep a few clean sheets. You can take advantage of these by introducing a bit of risk to your selections.
Who would have guessed that Harry Kane would score 21 Premier League Goals in 2014/15? Photo: GETTY IMAGES
7) There will be someone in your mini-league who takes it all far too seriously
You know the type. Obsessive attention to meaningless stats, Rain Man-like ability to calculate potential points gained, photographic memory for fixture lists ... They'll probably win it as well. Don't you just hate them?
7) There will be someone in your mini-league who takes it all far too seriously
You know the type. Obsessive attention to meaningless stats, Rain Man-like ability to calculate potential points gained, photographic memory for fixture lists ... They'll probably win it as well. Don't you just hate them?
Never play fantasy football with Roy Keane Photo: GETTY IMAGES
8) You will forget all about your team at one point in the season
You had just better hope that laziness doesn't cost you too many points – because your pal who's just below you in the league never forgets anything and will be delighted to take advantage of any lapse you make.
8) You will forget all about your team at one point in the season
You had just better hope that laziness doesn't cost you too many points – because your pal who's just below you in the league never forgets anything and will be delighted to take advantage of any lapse you make.
Don't take your eyes off the ball
9) It will make games you don't really care about super interesting
West Brom v Leicester? No problem, you've got Craig Dawson at the back. Norwich v Stoke? Great! You've just transferred in Nathan Redmond on the sly. Now every game is exciting for you because you're emotionally involved with loads of different teams. As if normal football wasn't heartbreaking enough.
9) It will make games you don't really care about super interesting
West Brom v Leicester? No problem, you've got Craig Dawson at the back. Norwich v Stoke? Great! You've just transferred in Nathan Redmond on the sly. Now every game is exciting for you because you're emotionally involved with loads of different teams. As if normal football wasn't heartbreaking enough.
After impressive performances in the Championship last year, Nathan Redmond could be a find of the season
10) You will be tempted to cheat on your real-life team (and it will probably work)
United fans will want to buy from City, Spurs fans will want to buy from Arsenal, Sunderland fans will (actually, probably not) want to buy from Newcastle.
You're unlikely to sign a player from your most hated rivals unless they're pretty tasty, so chances are you'll reap the rewards for swallowing your pride. Don't shy away from it – just do it. Embrace the dark side and enjoy all those delicious forbidden points.
10) You will be tempted to cheat on your real-life team (and it will probably work)
United fans will want to buy from City, Spurs fans will want to buy from Arsenal, Sunderland fans will (actually, probably not) want to buy from Newcastle.
You're unlikely to sign a player from your most hated rivals unless they're pretty tasty, so chances are you'll reap the rewards for swallowing your pride. Don't shy away from it – just do it. Embrace the dark side and enjoy all those delicious forbidden points.
The Telegraph
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